I lost 4.2 lbs last week! REALLY hoping that perhaps I've entered that wonderful state of mind where I am determined and motivated again. I feel so much better after only one week of healthy eating and daily exercise. Usually I lay in bed for hours on the verge of tears because my back hurts so bad. The last few nights I just lay down and fall asleep! Not sure if it's because I'm exhausted or because the pain is getting better but either way I'll take it! I only went of track one time last week. And it was just one snack, not a whole meal, or a whole day. I believe in the power of a cheat snack! I used to do cheat days. Those were always bad though. If I wasn't in the right state of mind I would gain just enough weight back on that day to set me off and I would be done. I would say fuck it and go back to my old ways. I'm trying really hard to be strict on myself here at first. I know I wont always keep up such a rigid style but I'm hoping it gets me into the habit. Having Madison in school helps. I can take the boys for a walk and actually walk fast. Madison isn't the best walking partner!!
I've also decided to set a new and different kind of goal for myself. My goal is to burn between 300-400 calories a day right now and build to about 600 per workout. I know that's probably a lot less than I should aim for, but...baby steps! Today's walk was 2.45 miles and I burned 350 calories. I have a feeling that's not too accurate though and would love to purchase some kind of fitness monitor that keeps better track for me.
Well, here's to hoping I got this.
reminder
Do you ever get frustrated because things are moving too slowly in your life? Many people don't realize that building a foundation for success does not happen overnight. It is a slow process in which you are constantly working and learning. After all, that foundation must remain strong, even in times of failure or crisis. This takes time! You may have to remind yourself that "failing" is only failure if you quit; otherwise it's a learning opportunity. So don't worry if your life seems to be moving in slow motion. Concentrate on building a solid foundation and learning from your back steps
My Plan
So I've been going at this weight loss/ healthy lifestyle/ exercise/ love myself shit for years now. Seriously, when will I just get it? I am a quitter and loser. The fact that it's a couple of years later and I'm here starting over is proof positive. I've got a million and half excuses as to why I gained the weight back but not a single one of them matters. I need to do this. I need to push myself and get over the quitter mentality. I've learned that I'm a miserable person when I'm unhealthy. If anything came out of previous success it's that knowledge. Being healthy makes me happy. Simple as that. I have to do this. MY life depends on it.
I am setting a goal for myself of 5% of my body weight at a time. Since I weigh 210 pounds right now, that means 10.5 pounds is 5% of my body weight, I think....math and I have never gotten along very well. I'll try something a little different this time and figure out what 5% of each new weight is too...maybe that will keep me more motivated.
Anyway, as I meet my goals, I plan on rewarding myself! I NEVER reward myself, I wont even buy myself the right kind of shampoo half the time because I hate wasting money on me. But self help is a great thing and something to look forward to. My rewards will always non food items and always something personal.
I will also make a meal plan each saturday night, buy the groceries sunday and stick with it through the week. I will be making Brian do this with me and he will lose more weight than me and I will get jealous but that will not make me quit like it would have in the past. I will be able to fit into my clothes again. I will want to dress up and put on makeup and fix myhair again. I will feel like a human being again. And I WILL learn to love myself FINALLY!
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