Thursday, April 10, 2014
208.8
I went up to 213.4 after my surgery. Not really sure why. Maybe I was retaining water or something. Anyway, on day 2 of being back on track as far as eating right goes and I feel a little better. I have zero energy though and am way sore all over. I guess still recovering. I'm still feeling so down and out though. I just want to be ok again. Mentally and physically. I can't look at myself. My stomach is bigger than it was when I was pregnant with twins. I suck
Saturday, April 5, 2014
210.4
Why can't I do this? I was so good yesterday...then when I started making dinner I couldn't control it anymore and I ate every piece of chocolate I could find in the house. I guess I wasn't that good. I just didn't eat much during the day. Which led to the binge. I hate myself.
Friday, April 4, 2014
209.8
depressing. That weight is pathetic and depressing. It's also depressing getting out summer clothes. Last summer I wore maternity clothes because I had the boys and the summer before that I was a size 10. I gave away my maternity clothes and the size 10 wouldn't fit over my head if I tried. So it sucks. I'm buying a moo moo and giving up this summer. Yesterday I ate well during the day then went to dinner with hunter and kayley and pigged out on chicken strips and fries. Today I've done well but we are limited in what we have in the house so I've had sandwiches and there are a ton of points in the bread so I'm left with like 5 points for dinner. So I'll go over and tomorrow will still weigh the same if not more. Maybe I should reverse my plan. I should strive to reach 300 by the end of the year. Why the hell not. It wont make a difference. I give up on me. Even if I was skinny I wouldn't be happy with myself and no would else would give a shit if I let myself go more than I already have.
Thursday, April 3, 2014
I suck
So here it is April 3 and I'm right back to where I was at almost 210. Seriously what is my problem? I blame it on so many things. Stress, boredom, exhaustion, PMS, etc... But the damn truth is I just suck. I want to change. I want to be back to how I was about 2-3 years ago. I loved that feeling. I felt alive and energized and happy and content. Now I just loathe myself. I wear nothing but yoga pants and t shirts trying to cover up the mess I've created but I'm so big now that I can't cover it. Sometimes I tell myself that there is something wrong, like in my stomach and that's why it's so much bigger than it's ever been...but the problem is I'm putting more food in there than ever before and sitting on my ass more than ever before. There is no miracle surgery or pill that will fix this. I spent a few minutes this morning writing down yet another (I think I have made one of these monthly for the last 10 years) weight loss goal chart. I tried to not make it so broad this time or give myself such a strict timeframe. This time my goal is 5 pounds a month for 10 months. That would put me at 160. Which is still a little more than I should be but it's 50 pounds and what I weighed at my happiest and healthiest and when I felt my best. So if I can somehow lose just over a pound a week maybe I can do this. It sucks being in so much pain all the time from things like constant cramping and backache but losing weigh will help that. I know that I just wont do anything about it. I worked out today and have eaten much better than usual so it's a start. Again.
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Bagel Sandwich
This was the best breakfast I have had in a while! One mini whole grain bagel, 2 slices turkey bacon, 1/4 cup egg whites and 1 slice cheese served with 1/2 banana and 1/2 cup strawberries. Total points- 6! Also- I have decided turkey bacon is FAR superior to regular bacon and I am dead serious!
Orange-Black bean salad and fish
YUM! this was so good! And so easy! Just saute some onion and garlic in a little bit of olive oil, add some ground cumin then add black beans, red wine vinegar and fresh orange juice. Toss in some Oranges at the last minute and serve! Amazing! I served mine with some pan grilled mahi mahi. One of the best combinations of food I have ever had!
Chicken Enchilada Casserole
mmmmmm....this was awesome and I ate it for at least 4 meals!
Mexican Meatloaf
this was amazing! No clue wha tI put in it, if you want the recipe I will dig it up, it was good though!
Shrimp curry
Mmmm thai food at home!
Spinach strawberry salad with goat cheese and orange balsamic vinegrette
Yummiest salad I've ever made! baby spinach tossed with sliced strawberries, goat cheese, and pistachio nuts. Dressing is orange juice, balsamic vinegar, canola oil, salt and pepper. Very tasty and simple!
Green Monster Smoothie (and Maddie's juice)
milk, fruit and spinach, what's not to love?
Alternative
I almost broke down and got some diet pills. Instead I bought these: some fiber choice tablet things that actually taste really good, and a multi vitamin that supports metabolism. I took them both this morning and have tons of extra energy and do not feel starved! Yay!
Day one, off to a happy start....
Breakfast: 1 whole egg, 1 egg white, half banana, 1 mini whole grain bagel. Lunch: 1 cup progresso light zesty Santa fe soup. Dinner: 3 oz fillet mignon, asparagus, sweet potatoes, and french bread
Beans rice and cornbread, can't go wrong!
1/2 cup pinto beans, 1/4 cip jasmine rice and small slice of cornbread. I like to serve my food in small bowls/plates...I guess the mind trick works for me cause this looked like a ton of food!
My daily breakfast
This is a wonderful and filling breakfast. I make a fruit smoothie (1/2 cup milk with about a cup of mixed fruit, whatever I have on hand) then serve it with some egg whites mixed with whatever veggies I have on hand, and a mini whole grain bagel. the whole thing has 5 pts and I am so full that I don't even think about food till about 5 hours later.
Veggie Pizza
garlic olive oil, then pizza sauce, lots of fresh veggies and CHEESE! Just 4 pts a slice!
Baked Ziti
turkey sausage, bell pepper, onion, diced tomato, frozen peas, lots of herbs, whole grain pasta and cheese. Very easy and yummy! Filling, and there are tons of leftovers!
Day 4
Breakfast: honey nut cheerios and 1/2 cup milk Lunch: 6 piece chickennugget kids meal from Chick Fil A with fruit cup instead of fries and milk to drink Dinner: lean hamburger patty on whole grain mini bagel with tater tots. Picture is of my favorite Sonic drink... a large WATER
the filling for my greek omelet
artichoke hearts, spinach, olives, mushrooms, and tomato! Very tasty!
Made from leftovers!
beans, rice and shrimp in my baja yogurt sauce. Served with corn tortillas. Quite tasty!
Fajita Pork and Pasta
This was sooo good! I'm on a roll with these weight watchers meals! Very easy- 1 onion, 3 bell peppers (green, red and yellow) 1 zucchini a couple carrots cook till tender (seasoned with ground cumin, chili powder and garlic powder) then add some pork (seasoned with the same thing) and heat through. Toss with whole wheat pasta and you're done! I added some garlic in there somewhere too, I think with the veggies. Oh and at the end throw in a can of rotel, it kidna helps hold it all together. Yummy!
Baked Tilapia
Tonight's dinner was so good! I made baked Tilapia- just seasoned both sides of the filet with salt and pepper then covered the tops with a garlic herb blend and fresh lemon juice and broiled for about 10 minutes. Served with orange cilantro black bean salad ( one of my favorite new recipes) and rice! So good!
Day 3
Breakfast: Apple Cinnamon Cheerios with 1/2 cup 2% milk, Lunch: whole grain tortilla with grilled chicken breast and veggie mixture of corn, black beans and brocolli, Dinner: roasted pork loin and apples, green beans, and french bread, snack: peaches and raspberries
Fish Tacos
this was good! I made fish stickes (tilapia with some seasoned flour and bread crumbs) then served it in corn tortillas with a yogurt sauce (plain fat free yogurt, lime juice, chipotle in adobo and salt/pepper) Made black beans and rice for a side dish
Lemon chocken with artichokes and spinach
This was better than it looks, but not much! I think if I had used the capers and fresh spinach the recipe called for it would have been better. Instead I omitted the capers cause I didn't have any and used frozen spinach. the sauce is good though- lemon zest, lemon juice, chicken broth, corn starch and sugar. Season chicken with salt pepper and dill. Mix sauce with artichoke hearts and spinach and serve over chicken. Not bad, but not as good as the rest of the recipes!
Sauted Shrimp and zucchini
Another very good recipe from WW and also very easy. Saute some zucchini in a little olive oil, add shrimp and grape tomatoes. Season with salt pepper and oregano. I served mine with angel hair pasta
Goat Cheese Souffle with fruit salad
Souffle: 3 eggs, seperated, some dill weed, salt and pepper, 1/2 tbs butter and 1-2 oz goat cheese. mix egg yold with dill weed salt and pepper, set aside. In large mixing bowl whip egg whites with electric mixer till soft peaks form (about 2-3 minutes) fold in yolk mixture till combined. Poor into pie dish buttered with 1/2 tbs butter. Crumble goat cheese on top. Place in 400 degree oven for 10 minutes. Eat! Yummy! The whole thing has about 10 points, I cut mine into 4 servings, so this is a nice light breakfast for a few people when served with a good fresh fruit salad- just 3 points!
Mediterranean Chicken
Tangy and tasty!