Deep breath and moving on.

God I love that I am capable of doing this now.  Sometimes life is just plain silly.  I used to really let it get to me. I still do sometimes.  Not today.  I know sometimes it seems problems are overwhelming and things will never get better. But hell they will.  No one died, no one was hurt. No one is in prison.  Nothing is wrong. just a little sadness and I'm over it. I'm done over analyzing everything, whatever happens happens.   I realize this makes no sense to anyone, but it makes me feel better to write it! Yay for being in control of my emotions! :)

It's not easy

being crazy. Seriously. One minute I'm moping around bored and sad, the next I'm happy as can be.  Whatever. Anyway, I think hanging out with some cool kids at church tonight made me a little happier.  Kids always seem to do that, they are just so cheerful no matter what! There was one little girl tonight who was just as bossy as all get out, if an adult had said the kind of stuff to me that she was saying to the other little girls I would have slapped them!  But the little girls all just giggled and went on....anyway it was cute. Not sure where I was going with that. Except maybe I need to stop looking at the negative of everything. When someone says something, or doesn't say something, that I think they should or shouldn't say I need to just let it go.  Most people probably don't mean to be the little shits that they come across as anyway. And if they are intentionally that way then I shouldn't let them get to me cause they are insignificant in the grand scheme of things. Anyway, I'm weird, whatever.  Oh, back to healthy stuff since that's what this blog is about.  I ended up grilling some chicken breast stips (not breaded or anything) and mixing it with some pasta, olives, capers and parmesan. It was good and fast and I did feel better when I chose that over fast good. I guess it's baby steps from here on out.  Now I am sitting here at home alone at 8:00 with nothing to do (except the mountain of laundry in Maddie's room) and I just want to eat!  Wish me luck! I don't know that an orange is gonna cut it! haha!

Oh....whatever had be down from the previous post has passed I guess.  Who knows what it was.  I think not having maddie around when she goes to her dad's makes me lonely or something.  I know people care about me and all that.  It's always a tough day on her first day gone.  By sunday I miss her like crazy but I am enjoying my little bit of free time too!  I dont really remember what I wrote before, that may not even be relevant. Hmm.....my mind is scattered tonight. :)

I feel it coming

I feel a major backslide coming.  I don't know what to do about it.  I just don't care anymore.  I eat healthy during the AM hours then night comes and I just want to eat.  I don't know if it's depression or boredom or if I just genuinely don't give a shit anymore.  I don't workout anymore and feel awful because of it.  It makes me feel wonderful to go I just don't care enough to get to the gym.  I do some yoga in the morning but really just stretching more than anything I can't even really call it yoga anymore. Sometimes I just feel so over it because who am I trying to impress?  No one really looks at me anymore.  I don't seem to care enough about my appearance to attempt to improve it.  Maddie loves me no matter what so who else is there? No one I guess. Maybe that's what is wrong with me.  I stopped caring about myself because no one else does.  Geez I sound depressed. Yuck.  I'm sitting at home on my lunch break feeling sorry for myself and it's a beautiful sunny day outside. What in the heck is my problem?  I need a slap in the face or on the butt or something. I hate feeling sorry for myself but I do right now damn it.  Maybe writing this will help? I'll check back in later tonight. Haha.

Greek Spaghetti

So I don't know if this is really greek....but it has feta cheese in it, and being the southern redneck girl that I am, if it has feta it's greek as far as I am concerned.

Ok, now that I have that our of the way....here's a new recipe!  Woohoo!  This one was GOOD!

2 oz whole grain spaghetti
olive oil
minced garlic
chopped black olives
artichoke hearts
capers
shrimp
feta

Heat olive oil, add everything and warm through put on top of the spaghetti then crumble the cheese on top!

Y'all know I don't measure this stuff out, I just used what I had and it was good!!

Yay endorphins!!

I have been in a HUGE funk lately!  Like pissy nasty leave me the hell alone I will eat whatever the heck I want funk!  Apparently the best way to lift that?  workout!  Who knew!  Well, I did, I've just been lazy!  So anyway I decided yesterday to get over it and get my ass to the gym and today I feel amazing!  By all acocunts I should be having a pretty normal day. Nothing especially exciting going on.  Just in training for the new job that starts monday, almost done with that.  Maddie was in her normal non morning person mood this morning and as far as my love life goes well we wont even get into that one!  Anyway, the only thing I can think of that is any different is the fact that I got my ass to the gym! I ran and got all nasty and sweaty and gross and feel AMAZING!  I could literally feel my self getting happier with each stomp of my foot on the stupid treadmill!  Now if I can get back into the habit of going every day again I can't even imagine how wonderful I would feel all the time!!  It's a stretch but I am think I am going to start attempting to go when i get off work before I pick maddie up. That will give me about 45 minutes, so not a full hour but that is better than nothing! I have said this before and went like 2 times before I gave up.  But I didn't feel this great after those times.  I just started an herbal cleanse yesterday, that may have something to do with my mood lift. who knows.  Maybe I am just realizing for the first time in several months that life isn't shitty? Anyway, just a brief post from work, back to doing what I'm supposed to be doing!

Sesame Ginger shrimp stir fry

Yay!  I finally cooked something tonight!  It was so good!  Maybe I can get back into this whole healthy living thing that has changed my life and all....a bit ambitious I know, but geez how hard can it be?  Anyway, tonight's dinner was simple and delicious!  I prepared some thin multi grain pasta and set it aside. In a skillet I heated some olive oil on high heat then added asparagus and shrimp and cooked it!  How easy is that?!  I seasoned it with ground ginger and some garlic powder and then threw in some sesame seeds and a little bit of terriyaki ginger stir fry sauce. Yay!  Maddie even liked it!

I also finally made it to the gym tonight.  I was only able to do 3 miles at a walk/jog pace, but it's better than the absolute NOTHING I have been doing I suppose!  I am trying to get my life back in order.  I have felt so just out of place lately. Nothing seems to really fit or make sense anymore and I have been letting my health slip as a result. Things are looking up though.  I feeling really happy for the first time in a while so maybe I can get my shit together. We'll see. my usual optimism seems to be waning at the moment and I am hoping it comes back in full force so I can be the positive beacon of hope so many of you 2 people that read this need!!  Love you all!