bye bye weight watchers

I'm sad!  But I feel like I learned everything I needed to during my few months of subscribing.  Plus it will save me like $20 a month.  I guess since I haven't been able to get on I just decided I didn't need it.  When I was subscribed I spent at least 5 hours a day working on WW stuff and I just don't have that kind of time for it anymore anyway.  So my decision is justified but kinda sucks cause it really works. Well maybe when things settle down and I have more control over my funds I can rejoin. Who   knows.  I'm bummed.

mmmmm falafel

or however you spell it.  Lunch was vegetarian today and every last bite was wonderful!  Then I messed up an had baklava. Well I can't say I messed up anymore  cause I consciously made the decision tobuy it and savor every last sticky sweet honey drenched bite. WORTH IT.  My willpower for the week has gone out the window! No more excuses, just tasty and I wanted it.  At least it's never served in large portions!

My AH Ha moment of the day

It came early today....on the 3rd time I hit the snooze.  As I layed there pushing the button again, I thought to myself...why am I doing this? I hardly ever push the snooze button at home.  I never feel this tired and sluggish and just overall crappy at home. What in the world is wrong? I should be refreshed!  Then it hit me...duh you dumb butt....you've eaten like you used to this week and have missed a workout!  DUH! You put crap in you get crap out!  Anyway, it's so simple, I just forgot what it felt like to be unhealthy.  Now I remember and today is going to be better! Breakfast was a bowl of grapes, a hard boiled egg and some coffee.  I am going to eat some yogurt in a little bit for my dairy and may grab a piece of toast on my way out the door. I pray that I can keep this obvious realization in my head today as I make my lunch decisions!

What I have learned about myself

I have no willpower. Yup. That's it.  Well....not under these circumstances at least!  I mean when given the choice of whatever I want to eat, restaurant wise at least, I apparently can't stick with the good (healthy) stuff when I am alone!  Well, today was a bust! My good intentions and attempt at talking myself up failed! I ended up ordering a steak (I ate probably 5 oz) grilled shrimp (2 oz) and brocolli. Which is all great..but instead of ordering another healthy side I went with loaded mashed potatoes!  Grrr!!  But oh so yummy! I bet they weren't as bad as some of the other choices though.  The topping wasn't the problem, less than an ounce of cheese and maybe the equivalent of 1/2 slice of bacon but I don't even want to know how much butter and cream was used in making them! I didn't think about it as I ate every last yummy loaded bite though and so I wont make any excuses. I failed today! Tomorrow is a new day. haha.  Heck, next week is a new week, even if I end up doing a repeat of today the next 2 days it's not gonna make me gain nearly 40 pounds back! So what. I'll just live a litle this week I guess. I don't think I am doing as bad as I would have in the past that's for sure.  I am still making conscious choices to be healthier than I would have.  I never would have ordered broccoli before that is for sure.  And I would have eaten the whole steak! I probably would have ordered something with lots of melted cheese and some heavy sauce too.  I have definitely learned how to make healthier choices...it's portion control that is killing me this week!!!  I should have brought my food scale! I should have brought my weight scale too....weighing myself at the end of a day of overindulgence usually puts me back on track. Well.....is it bad that I really want ice cream. Crap.

Gotta come clean

Today was NOT good!  I overslept cause I took some medicine last night that knocked me out, so no morning workout or time to really eat anything decent.  I had about a cup of honeydew melon and coffee but the hotel breakfast had these cute little breakfast burritos and since I had to eat and run I grabbed one.  It wasn't too harmful, just eggs and a tiny bit of sausage really, but I know it was a bad choice. It was either eat that or go hungry and I don't do hungry very well!  Well the day didn't get much better.  I was still tired at lunch (I hate cold medicine, it makes me feel drowsy for days) and being tired and having a crappy breakfast just puts me in a quitter state of mind.  SO for lunch I went to Mexico Chiquito and ordered what was probably the healthiest thing on their menu- two crunchy beef tacos with no cheese.  After lots of research I know for a fact that is usually the most harmless menu item at fast food mexican joints so I don't feel too bad about it, but I know it wasn't healthy either.  It came with enough chips for 4 people and I ate probably enough for 2 before throwing the bag away. I should have taken out a portion first and thrown the rest awat before eating it.  I just ate the salsa that came with it.  I did try the cheesedip, but was smart and threw it out before I could eat more cause it was good!  Anyway, as soon as I got back to my hotel room I ate some fresh fruit because my body really does crave it now and I also ate a serving of whole wheat crackers with some low fat cheese spread.  I feel better now that I put good stuff in my body.  I haven't decided on dinner yet, but I'm thinking salmon with rice and veggies sounds really good!  I am tempted to revert back to my old ways....I was bad all day so why not be bad tonight? But then I remind myself, those are my OLD ways....I am a NEW me and the NEW healthier, smarter, HOTTER me knows that 2 bad meals does not open the door for one more bad meal.  If anything, it closes it, locks the door, throws away the key and then bricks over the dang door so you can't ever open it again!  So tonight I will be good, or try my very hardest.  Being sick really does wonders on my motivation.  I feel like I am already suffering, why not medicate with food.  again with the old self trying to break free.  I really don't know if I will make it to the gym today though, that is one thing I will allow myself when I am truly sick. Which I think I really am.  I have a fever and a red rough patchy looking throat. Wonderful. Oh and I drowning in mucus. Yuck. Maybe just a long soak in the hot tub and if I feel up to it a quick swim. Depends on how many people are there, I don't want to swim with people wile I am sick. I am guessing they wouldn't appreciate it either.  Ok, that's my confession for the day. I was bad, but not terrible. There is still the potential for terrible. I will repost after dinner. And I will be honest I promise!

International food day apparently

I said boo on Marketplace for dinner and went with some yummy vietnamese cuisine!  Spring rolls and pho! I'm not sure if there was a drop of fat in the whole meal!  Except of course for the amazing peanut sauce for the spring rolls, but I had maybe a tsp of that so it couldn't have been much! Down side, it's been about 3 hours and I am hungry again! These were amazing spring rolls though and some of the best pho I've ever had!  I guess I've never had authentic before so when they gave me a big box full of all kinds of goodies to mix in with my seasoned broth I felt like Iwas really splurging even though all the mix ins were veggies mostly!  I used all the rice noodles and all the meat too though, but ended up only eating about half the soup so I don't even know how to count my calories/points tonight.  It's ok though, It's vacation! haha!  I just took some night time cold meds so I am about to pass out.  Time to go to bed and then wake up and hit the gym!  Why do people look at hotel gym users like they are crazy??  I swear I got 5 double takes in the gym this morning!  MAybe cause I'm hot. HA!  I guess most people just don't use them, I love it though, all to myself! Tomorrow I will see if I can get the tv working first and maybe turn the air down so I can work harder!  Oh....I went jean shopping tonight and got a size 10 to fit!!!   WOOHOO!!  I mean, not like fit to where I would actually wear them out, but about 10 pounds more and I will buy them and wear them!  HECK YEAH!  So I have now been from a 18 (20 if I was being honest with myself) to 12 (10 when I am determined) in 5 months!  I rock!

Vacation Business Trip day one (partial)

I should probably wait until the end of the day to post, but what the heck!  I was good this morning! Started my day with a small bowl of mixed fruit then spent 30 minutes on the eliptical, which sucked.  I usually like it but the dang fitness room was about 80 degrees and the tv didn't work. I forgot my ipod so I had nothing to keep my mind preoccupied so the minutes DRAGGED!  I did it though and the extra high temp made me sweat even more!  Then I went to my room showered, got dressed blah blah then ate breakfast. I ahd one hard boiled egg and a bowl of honey but cheerios with about 1/2 cup 2% milk cause they didn't have skim.  For a snack I had a banana. Then lunch almost killed me like I thought! We have an hour but I didn't know if we would or not or what was close so I didn't really plan anything. I ended up going to a greek grill type place and ordered some hummus with warm pita and a gyro.  I should have just ordered the hummus!!  Both were equally delicious and equally HUGE portions!  I ate half of the hummus and half og the gyro but I know that was still more than an actual serving size!  I didn't get anything fried though and that is good as far as I am concerned!  When I got with training at 3 I ate the rest of the hummus cause my tummy was rumbling for it!  The gyro is sitting in my mini fridge and I am trying to decide if I want it for dinner or I want to get something else...since it's paid for and all.  :)  Anyway, not I am about to head off to the little mall thing they have here and get some new jeans (NONE of my old jeans fit me anymore, even pre preggered jeans are too big) I have dinner planned.  I'm thinking Marketplace cause they have this raspberry grilled chicken stuff that looks good and pretty healthy and I will order it with grilled veggies and fresh fruit. Their bread may be the death of me...all that BUTTER!  But I am ordering it to go so maybe I will just skip the bread altogether....at least the butter.  Then I plan on swimming tonight and finishing this mornings workout by using the weight machine for my upper body workout. This mornings was cut short by my almost fainting from dang heat!  It doesn't help that I am coughing up both my lungs this week. Stupid allergies/sinus infection/ whatever is wrong with me!  I knew as soon as I entered the world of the employeed people and daycares I would get sick again!  Anyway, off to shop!  Then back to my room to meal plan for the next 2 weeks! Can't let the whole too poor to afford internet thang stop me anymore!

What a week this will be!

I know it's been over 2 weeks since I posted and here I am with a post about how hard this week will be!!  Blah!  I've been busy, and have had no internet!  So sad!  I've been good though, down a few more pounds and enjoying my new job!  This week I am in conway on a "business" trip and will be eating out every meal so this may get interesting! I have never been one to turn down free meals at restaurants and since the great state of AR is paying for me in to indulge this week I am oing to be tempted!!  I have a plan though, look up all the restaurants in town that have an online menu and make my meal plan accordingly!  I know I will stray at time, but the hotel has a gym and a heated pool so I can just work my butt off in there if I eat too much! I will post nightly I am sure this week, I am alone and will get off work at like 4 so what else will I have to do?? Nothing!  I LOVE IT!  I miss maddie, but mommy needed this! Yeah, I talk about myself in the third mommy person now. Sad really.  Anyway, I am going to get off of here and start on my meal plan for the next 5 days! Wish me luck! Good to be back by the way!

Why must chocolate BE SO GOOD??

And WHY do I have an unearthly strong desire to EAT EVERY BIT of it in sight when I am pms'ing?  GRRRRRRR.  Anywya, I will share my embarrassing binge because I foun it kinda funny.  Not that I was devouring chocolate, but that whileI was devouring it I was counting points....a conscious unconcious eating moment! Fun times! Anyway, I told myself that I would eat much yesterday cause today is maddie's birthday party and I know I will eat a cupcake and probably a hotdog and chips, yu know typical 2 year old birthday crap. So I did really good up until I started stuffing favor bags.  My dumb went and bought candy for them, and not just regular suckers and gummy candy, noooooo...I HAD to buy my most favorite candy in the world...kit kats! And of course I couldn't just buy regular kit kats, I HAD to go and get a mix bag with regular, white and DARK CHOCOLATE kit kats! Kill me now! I could live on those things, and since they are dark chocolate I like to tell myself they are healthy! Anyway long store short, my lack of eating throughout the day backfired and while stuffing the bags I think I ate about 10 of the fun size dark chocolate kit kats.   :(   but SO good!  Well I didn't stop there, because as mentioned in my previous post chocolate is a trigger food for me.  Whn I start eating it, it opens the flood gates and yesterday was a text book example.  I started with the kits kats, then found a chocolate easter basker cake hidden in a little treat jar (they come in packs of two but thankfully this one was only half there,, or else I would have eaten both). Well that was it.  But  Istill felt awful!  I let itruin my whole day like I said I didn't anymore.  I ended up eating two portions of what I had planned for dinner, which added like 400 calories/ 7 points and then while I was waiting on laundry to finish at 11 last night I ate hummus and pita chips. Man!  that's how I used to eat every day! No wonder I'm a chunk!  Anywya, I can type this and spill my guts about it now cause that's not the norm for me all anymore. the fact that I was so aware of it and can remember everything I ate tells me I am changing, in the past when I would go on a binge, I couldn't tell you 5 minutes later what all I ate.  So even though I was bad yesterday I am proud of myself in a way! Yay me!

Today I am having maddie's party and will stick to the fruit and veggies trays and just one cupcake.  I have it all entered into my plan but will still probably go over. I am packing up the rest of my stuff after the party and heading back to good ol fayetteville so I wont have time to sit down and eat any actual meals today. Then tomorrow, being mothers day and all...well my plan is just to go shopping! I am seriously a freak for New York and Company and I haev $105 in City Cash PLUS everything in the store is 40% off!!! Since I have a new job and a new-ish body to buy for...how can I resist! Shopping will keep me from eating!

I will be returning to WOW fitness classes for my workouts. For those who don't know what this is, it's an AMAZING program for women at Trinity Assembly of God in Fayetteville...FREE workout classes! And they are amazing! These ladies really get with it, no sissy workuts there! I will also be going to Bikram once a week and trying to go for walks/runs/jogs on weekends, but I'm not sure how maddie will like that since she doesn't care for her stroller!  I may join a gym if I see that I need more, but that can wait a bit!  I will try to keep everything else the same as far as the eating plan goes, but being in a new place and having to buy my own groceries (yeah...that was the nice part about living with my parents) may put a slight damper on that!  Anyway, ready to start my new job and get back to my normal life!

Now time to go get ready for this party!!

Great tips!

I am not taking credit for this cause it's from a weight loss letter I subsribe to, but I couldn't agree with what it says anymore and these tips or whatever you call them are exactly my mindset I have now that has realy helped me a lot!! After each tip I have written how it applies to me and my journey though!

1. Don't drink your calories. There's nothing sadder than realizing you just consumed hundreds of calories by sipping a sweet drink... and you're still hungry! For the most part, I look for drinks with no more than 50 calories per cup, and I always check the labels carefully for the total servings per bottle. - I gave up my much loved coffee drinks! I 've never really drank anything but water, no cokes or tea or anything but coffee drinks were a big weakness! I also gave up alcohol.  Although that's mostly because I don't have the time or the money to drink, and I will NOT say no to a drink every now and then if I really feel like it!

2. The 80/20 rule. I live by it. It means that 80 percent of the time, I eat what I know I should be eating. And 20 percent of the time, I allow myself to stray a bit. It's important to indulge every once in a while... like, maybe, 20 percent of the time!  I will usually eat whatever I want at least 1 meal a week.  Although there have been weeks when I didn't at all and there have been weeks when I ate more like 80/20 bad being the 80!


3. Don't turn a bad meal into a bad week. So you made a poor food choice. You're human. Don't give up and throw in the towel just because you overate. Jump right back into things at your next meal. No biggie. Truly.  This one was the hard for me for years.  I would do so good on a new diet/lifestyle plan for weeks...then I would come upon a holiday or party or something where I felt I couldn't control my eating and I would go crazy and then feel like a total failure and make myself feel better by eating more and more and more...and well you know the outcome! I felt like all the work I had done was useless and that I might as wel give up. I have this one under control now though!  When I find myself eating poorly, or missing a day at the gym I don't beat myself up. I stay positive and remind myself that it wasn't one or two days of poor decisions that got me in this shape so it's going to take more than one or two days of bad decisions to undo all the work I have done already. Reminding myself that this is not a diet, it is a new way of life really helps.  I have the rest of my life to get to where I want to be!


4. Identify and avoid your trigger foods. These are the foods you can't be trusted around -- the ones where "just a few" turns into WAY too much; the foods that seem to make you hungrier and hungrier. Don't keep these foods in the house. They're too tempting and not worth the trouble... CHOCOLATE! Nuff said.


5. Don't make excuses -- it's all about being prepared. The Boy Scouts know what they're talking about! If you know you're going out to dinner, check out the menu online so you can plan ahead and make smart choices. And always keep emergency snacks handy -- in your purse, car, desk drawer... wherever you might need them. Then you won't need to make excuses.   I have recently had to travel back and forth between rsvl and fayetteville and each time I have brought snacks and all my meals if I would have to be there overnight. Or if I didn't bring my meals I would look at the menu for different restaurants in town and figure out what I could eat.  I used to be terrible about eating fast food when I was traveling cause I thought I didn't have a choice. Now I know, I do. It's up to me.  I have to be in control and prepared and no one else is going to help me. Even the "healthy" choices at fast food places usually don't fit into my plan so why waste money buying them  only to be hungry later in the day when you cant eat anything else casue yuo overloaded on points/calories then? Not worth it!

179 and other news!

I was 179 this morning! Oh...and I got a job!  I can FINALLY move back to Fayetteville! Woohoo!!!  I have to be up there today for some paperwork and stuff, and Maddie has to come with me.  Then I have to find her a daycare and get her a doctors appointment so she can go to the daycare. Then I have to cancel my gum membership here  :( and get a new one in Fayetteville  :)  So...my diet may suck today.  I am going to keep healthy snacks with me all day, but with all the going I have to do I doubt I will cook what I had planned for dinner. Especialyl since I will be in fayetteville and not here, where the food is. It's frustrating, I had it so perfect and then life happens! Oh well, can't complain! anyway, I gotta get running. I will post more later! Yay!