being crazy. Seriously. One minute I'm moping around bored and sad, the next I'm happy as can be. Whatever. Anyway, I think hanging out with some cool kids at church tonight made me a little happier. Kids always seem to do that, they are just so cheerful no matter what! There was one little girl tonight who was just as bossy as all get out, if an adult had said the kind of stuff to me that she was saying to the other little girls I would have slapped them! But the little girls all just giggled and went on....anyway it was cute. Not sure where I was going with that. Except maybe I need to stop looking at the negative of everything. When someone says something, or doesn't say something, that I think they should or shouldn't say I need to just let it go. Most people probably don't mean to be the little shits that they come across as anyway. And if they are intentionally that way then I shouldn't let them get to me cause they are insignificant in the grand scheme of things. Anyway, I'm weird, whatever. Oh, back to healthy stuff since that's what this blog is about. I ended up grilling some chicken breast stips (not breaded or anything) and mixing it with some pasta, olives, capers and parmesan. It was good and fast and I did feel better when I chose that over fast good. I guess it's baby steps from here on out. Now I am sitting here at home alone at 8:00 with nothing to do (except the mountain of laundry in Maddie's room) and I just want to eat! Wish me luck! I don't know that an orange is gonna cut it! haha!
Oh....whatever had be down from the previous post has passed I guess. Who knows what it was. I think not having maddie around when she goes to her dad's makes me lonely or something. I know people care about me and all that. It's always a tough day on her first day gone. By sunday I miss her like crazy but I am enjoying my little bit of free time too! I dont really remember what I wrote before, that may not even be relevant. Hmm.....my mind is scattered tonight. :)
reminder
Do you ever get frustrated because things are moving too slowly in your life? Many people don't realize that building a foundation for success does not happen overnight. It is a slow process in which you are constantly working and learning. After all, that foundation must remain strong, even in times of failure or crisis. This takes time! You may have to remind yourself that "failing" is only failure if you quit; otherwise it's a learning opportunity. So don't worry if your life seems to be moving in slow motion. Concentrate on building a solid foundation and learning from your back steps
My Plan
So I've been going at this weight loss/ healthy lifestyle/ exercise/ love myself shit for years now. Seriously, when will I just get it? I am a quitter and loser. The fact that it's a couple of years later and I'm here starting over is proof positive. I've got a million and half excuses as to why I gained the weight back but not a single one of them matters. I need to do this. I need to push myself and get over the quitter mentality. I've learned that I'm a miserable person when I'm unhealthy. If anything came out of previous success it's that knowledge. Being healthy makes me happy. Simple as that. I have to do this. MY life depends on it.
I am setting a goal for myself of 5% of my body weight at a time. Since I weigh 210 pounds right now, that means 10.5 pounds is 5% of my body weight, I think....math and I have never gotten along very well. I'll try something a little different this time and figure out what 5% of each new weight is too...maybe that will keep me more motivated.
Anyway, as I meet my goals, I plan on rewarding myself! I NEVER reward myself, I wont even buy myself the right kind of shampoo half the time because I hate wasting money on me. But self help is a great thing and something to look forward to. My rewards will always non food items and always something personal.
I will also make a meal plan each saturday night, buy the groceries sunday and stick with it through the week. I will be making Brian do this with me and he will lose more weight than me and I will get jealous but that will not make me quit like it would have in the past. I will be able to fit into my clothes again. I will want to dress up and put on makeup and fix myhair again. I will feel like a human being again. And I WILL learn to love myself FINALLY!
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