reminder

Do you ever get frustrated because things are moving too slowly in your life? Many people don't realize that building a foundation for success does not happen overnight. It is a slow process in which you are constantly working and learning. After all, that foundation must remain strong, even in times of failure or crisis. This takes time! You may have to remind yourself that "failing" is only failure if you quit; otherwise it's a learning opportunity. So don't worry if your life seems to be moving in slow motion. Concentrate on building a solid foundation and learning from your back steps

My Plan

So I've been going at this weight loss/ healthy lifestyle/ exercise/ love myself shit for years now. Seriously, when will I just get it? I am a quitter and loser. The fact that it's a couple of years later and I'm here starting over is proof positive. I've got a million and half excuses as to why I gained the weight back but not a single one of them matters. I need to do this. I need to push myself and get over the quitter mentality. I've learned that I'm a miserable person when I'm unhealthy. If anything came out of previous success it's that knowledge. Being healthy makes me happy. Simple as that. I have to do this. MY life depends on it.

As much as I know about eating healthy and exercise I swear I could be a nutritionist...I've just never stuck with anything long enough for it work. I always give up and find myself constantly saying "f*ck it" Yes that is exactly what I say...when I have dieted for a week and eat something bad, I give up. When I workout for a month or two, then miss a few days, I give up. When I'm exhausted because I spend all day cleaning and chasing after babies I go to bed instead of doing yoga. I sleep in instead of dragging my ass out of bed and working out when my husband goes to work. I am a lazy quitter. Always have been. Well for the last year I have been saying lots of fuck its and now here I am. Sitting not so pretty at 210 pounds. Awesome huh?! Now it's time to say bye bye to that attitude and find a new one!

I am setting a goal for myself of 5% of my body weight at a time. Since I weigh 210 pounds right now, that means 10.5 pounds is 5% of my body weight, I think....math and I have never gotten along very well. I'll try something a little different this time and figure out what 5% of each new weight is too...maybe that will keep me more motivated.

Anyway, as I meet my goals, I plan on rewarding myself! I NEVER reward myself, I wont even buy myself the right kind of shampoo half the time because I hate wasting money on me. But self help is a great thing and something to look forward to. My rewards will always non food items and always something personal.

I will also make a meal plan each saturday night, buy the groceries sunday and stick with it through the week. I will be making Brian do this with me and he will lose more weight than me and I will get jealous but that will not make me quit like it would have in the past. I will be able to fit into my clothes again. I will want to dress up and put on makeup and fix myhair again. I will feel like a human being again. And I WILL learn to love myself FINALLY!

Tuesday, August 19, 2014

random thoughts.

Not sure why I continue to torture myself with this occasional blogging.  Every time I read it I remind myself that I am a failure.  I'm a quitter. And I'm just plain lazy.  I have started, once again, attempting to eat right.  My beautiful little girl started kindergarten.  It is tearing me up inside.  I miss her so much during the day.  I know I haven't always been a stay at home mom with her but it feels like since I have been over the last year I have gotten to know her so much better and she is such an amazing little girl.  She's smart and beautiful and crazy and silly and doesn't give a shit what others think of her.  She's honest and cautious and considerate and just amazing.  Compared to other kids I see she is just about perfect.  She has her flaws...namely her ATTITUDE, and she's a slow mover. But I'll take it. Anyway, her leaving me gives me time to focus on me some more.  The boys are so independent.  Madison always wants my attention, the boys have each other to entertain so unless they are hungry or need a diaper change they don't need me constantly.  I usually have to force them to spend time in the floor with me playing because they would rather be off exploring the house! Also with Madison not home I don't have to make lunch for anyone but me.  The boys eat whatever I eat for the most part.  They are great eaters.  So I am trying to be healthy again. Once I get used to getting up to get Madison ready for school I will hopefully start doing some type of workout before the boys get up.  It didn't happen today even though I was up at 6:00 and the boys weren't up till 9:00.  My lazy butt fell back asleep on the couch until I woke up to the boys crying.  I didn't even mean to.  Just one more example of how I suck. I hate even trying to get pumped up about this because I know I will let myself down and just feel stupid again.  I am not announcing this attempted change to anyone either this time.  Not that anyone would care because if there ever was anyone that listened and cared they would just think to themselves oh great here she goes again.  Wonder how long this will last? I give her a week.  And they are right.  Those are the exact same thoughts I have about myself.  How am I supposed to succeed if I don't even believe in myself?  I need to figure out what I can do different.  I don't want Madison to end up like me.  I don't want her to hate herself and have no confidence at all like I do.  I wish I could say that if I lose weight and was healthy I was be a better role model but I don't even think that is true because even when I was skinny a few years ago I still hated myself. How do I love myself? That's the only love I have NEVER experienced.
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Bagel Sandwich

Bagel Sandwich
This was the best breakfast I have had in a while! One mini whole grain bagel, 2 slices turkey bacon, 1/4 cup egg whites and 1 slice cheese served with 1/2 banana and 1/2 cup strawberries. Total points- 6! Also- I have decided turkey bacon is FAR superior to regular bacon and I am dead serious!

Orange-Black bean salad and fish

Orange-Black bean salad and fish
YUM! this was so good! And so easy! Just saute some onion and garlic in a little bit of olive oil, add some ground cumin then add black beans, red wine vinegar and fresh orange juice. Toss in some Oranges at the last minute and serve! Amazing! I served mine with some pan grilled mahi mahi. One of the best combinations of food I have ever had!

Chicken Enchilada Casserole

Chicken Enchilada Casserole
mmmmmm....this was awesome and I ate it for at least 4 meals!

Mexican Meatloaf

Mexican Meatloaf
this was amazing! No clue wha tI put in it, if you want the recipe I will dig it up, it was good though!

Shrimp curry

Shrimp curry
Mmmm thai food at home!

Spinach strawberry salad with goat cheese and orange balsamic vinegrette

Spinach strawberry salad with goat cheese and orange balsamic vinegrette
Yummiest salad I've ever made! baby spinach tossed with sliced strawberries, goat cheese, and pistachio nuts. Dressing is orange juice, balsamic vinegar, canola oil, salt and pepper. Very tasty and simple!

Green Monster Smoothie (and Maddie's juice)

Green Monster Smoothie (and Maddie's juice)
milk, fruit and spinach, what's not to love?

Alternative

Alternative
I almost broke down and got some diet pills. Instead I bought these: some fiber choice tablet things that actually taste really good, and a multi vitamin that supports metabolism. I took them both this morning and have tons of extra energy and do not feel starved! Yay!

Day one, off to a happy start....

Day one, off to a happy start....
Breakfast: 1 whole egg, 1 egg white, half banana, 1 mini whole grain bagel. Lunch: 1 cup progresso light zesty Santa fe soup. Dinner: 3 oz fillet mignon, asparagus, sweet potatoes, and french bread

Beans rice and cornbread, can't go wrong!

Beans rice and cornbread, can't go wrong!
1/2 cup pinto beans, 1/4 cip jasmine rice and small slice of cornbread. I like to serve my food in small bowls/plates...I guess the mind trick works for me cause this looked like a ton of food!

My daily breakfast

My daily breakfast
This is a wonderful and filling breakfast. I make a fruit smoothie (1/2 cup milk with about a cup of mixed fruit, whatever I have on hand) then serve it with some egg whites mixed with whatever veggies I have on hand, and a mini whole grain bagel. the whole thing has 5 pts and I am so full that I don't even think about food till about 5 hours later.

Veggie Pizza

Veggie Pizza
garlic olive oil, then pizza sauce, lots of fresh veggies and CHEESE! Just 4 pts a slice!

Baked Ziti

Baked Ziti
turkey sausage, bell pepper, onion, diced tomato, frozen peas, lots of herbs, whole grain pasta and cheese. Very easy and yummy! Filling, and there are tons of leftovers!

Day 4

Day 4
Breakfast: honey nut cheerios and 1/2 cup milk Lunch: 6 piece chickennugget kids meal from Chick Fil A with fruit cup instead of fries and milk to drink Dinner: lean hamburger patty on whole grain mini bagel with tater tots. Picture is of my favorite Sonic drink... a large WATER

the filling for my greek omelet

the filling for my greek omelet
artichoke hearts, spinach, olives, mushrooms, and tomato! Very tasty!

Made from leftovers!

Made from leftovers!
beans, rice and shrimp in my baja yogurt sauce. Served with corn tortillas. Quite tasty!

Fajita Pork and Pasta

Fajita Pork and Pasta
This was sooo good! I'm on a roll with these weight watchers meals! Very easy- 1 onion, 3 bell peppers (green, red and yellow) 1 zucchini a couple carrots cook till tender (seasoned with ground cumin, chili powder and garlic powder) then add some pork (seasoned with the same thing) and heat through. Toss with whole wheat pasta and you're done! I added some garlic in there somewhere too, I think with the veggies. Oh and at the end throw in a can of rotel, it kidna helps hold it all together. Yummy!

Baked Tilapia

Baked Tilapia
Tonight's dinner was so good! I made baked Tilapia- just seasoned both sides of the filet with salt and pepper then covered the tops with a garlic herb blend and fresh lemon juice and broiled for about 10 minutes. Served with orange cilantro black bean salad ( one of my favorite new recipes) and rice! So good!

Day 3

Day 3
Breakfast: Apple Cinnamon Cheerios with 1/2 cup 2% milk, Lunch: whole grain tortilla with grilled chicken breast and veggie mixture of corn, black beans and brocolli, Dinner: roasted pork loin and apples, green beans, and french bread, snack: peaches and raspberries

Fish Tacos

Fish Tacos
this was good! I made fish stickes (tilapia with some seasoned flour and bread crumbs) then served it in corn tortillas with a yogurt sauce (plain fat free yogurt, lime juice, chipotle in adobo and salt/pepper) Made black beans and rice for a side dish

Lemon chocken with artichokes and spinach

Lemon chocken with artichokes and spinach
This was better than it looks, but not much! I think if I had used the capers and fresh spinach the recipe called for it would have been better. Instead I omitted the capers cause I didn't have any and used frozen spinach. the sauce is good though- lemon zest, lemon juice, chicken broth, corn starch and sugar. Season chicken with salt pepper and dill. Mix sauce with artichoke hearts and spinach and serve over chicken. Not bad, but not as good as the rest of the recipes!

Sauted Shrimp and zucchini

Sauted Shrimp and zucchini
Another very good recipe from WW and also very easy. Saute some zucchini in a little olive oil, add shrimp and grape tomatoes. Season with salt pepper and oregano. I served mine with angel hair pasta

Goat Cheese Souffle with fruit salad

Goat Cheese Souffle with fruit salad
Souffle: 3 eggs, seperated, some dill weed, salt and pepper, 1/2 tbs butter and 1-2 oz goat cheese. mix egg yold with dill weed salt and pepper, set aside. In large mixing bowl whip egg whites with electric mixer till soft peaks form (about 2-3 minutes) fold in yolk mixture till combined. Poor into pie dish buttered with 1/2 tbs butter. Crumble goat cheese on top. Place in 400 degree oven for 10 minutes. Eat! Yummy! The whole thing has about 10 points, I cut mine into 4 servings, so this is a nice light breakfast for a few people when served with a good fresh fruit salad- just 3 points!

Mediterranean Chicken

Mediterranean Chicken
Tangy and tasty!