It never fails. I decide to start my blog back up and have about a million and a half things I want/need to say. Then I sit down to start typing and I go blank. I guess I'd never make it as a career blogger huh? It's been a year since I've said hello to all 11 of my followers so I'm guessing at this point yall have moved on and given up on me! I don't blame you one bit, I almost gave up on me. I'm still on the fence. Am I worth it or not? Some days I feel like "I got this, lets rule the world!" other days (most days) I'm all like "um I'm just gonna sit here and hope the world decides to open up a sinkhole directly beneath my ever growing fat butt" There are some in between days, but for the most part it's black or white with me. I'll say that today is a rule the world kind of day.
Back in February I decided I'd had enough. With my weight (this is, after all, supposed to be a weight loss blog). I went to my doctor and had her prescribe me some pills that made me feel unstoppable. In a month I dropped 15 pounds! I ate healthy and worked out religiously. It was great and if I could have stayed on those pills indefinitely I would have. Unfortunately they are only approved for 3 months of use at a time. We can all guess what happened next right? I went from 225 down to 201 in the three months I was on them. By the middle of May I was feeling good and thought for sure that I didn't need the pills. After all I was going to the gym daily and craved it and craved the healthy food so I was convinced it was me not the pills doing the work. Well....that was an incorrect assumption. As soon as I was off of them I was hungry. All the time. And nothing ever sounded good. So instead of eating a healthy meal or even small healthy snacks I just ate whatever the boys ate. In part because on top of my hunger I was tired. No more energy to make my own meals. Since I was so tired I started sleeping in and skipping the gym. So before I knew it it was August 10 and I'm back up to 215 and haven't been to the gym since the middle of July. And even that was only for a week. The last time I was consistent was May. I blame it on school being out. But I know that's just a stupid excuse.
So today. Wednesday August 10, 2016 at 11:51 am I'm deciding to start over. Again. Today I decide that I am worth it. Today I will drink my dang water and eat some almonds! I wont sit on my butt and let it continue to expand. I wont let myself become overwhelmed with the tasks of daily life with 3 year old twins. I wont let the drama of having 3 teenage girls drag me down. I wont let the guilt I feel over the growing distance between maddie and myself stop me. I have to do this. Not despite them all but because of them. Because I have 6 kids who depend on me. Because I have a hard working husband who needs a happy healthy wife to come home to. Because I need it for me. I need to feel proud of who I am and I need the confidence to become I am supposed to be. So yay for ruling the world today!
reminder
Do you ever get frustrated because things are moving too slowly in your life? Many people don't realize that building a foundation for success does not happen overnight. It is a slow process in which you are constantly working and learning. After all, that foundation must remain strong, even in times of failure or crisis. This takes time! You may have to remind yourself that "failing" is only failure if you quit; otherwise it's a learning opportunity. So don't worry if your life seems to be moving in slow motion. Concentrate on building a solid foundation and learning from your back steps
My Plan
So I've been going at this weight loss/ healthy lifestyle/ exercise/ love myself shit for years now. Seriously, when will I just get it? I am a quitter and loser. The fact that it's a couple of years later and I'm here starting over is proof positive. I've got a million and half excuses as to why I gained the weight back but not a single one of them matters. I need to do this. I need to push myself and get over the quitter mentality. I've learned that I'm a miserable person when I'm unhealthy. If anything came out of previous success it's that knowledge. Being healthy makes me happy. Simple as that. I have to do this. MY life depends on it.
I am setting a goal for myself of 5% of my body weight at a time. Since I weigh 210 pounds right now, that means 10.5 pounds is 5% of my body weight, I think....math and I have never gotten along very well. I'll try something a little different this time and figure out what 5% of each new weight is too...maybe that will keep me more motivated.
Anyway, as I meet my goals, I plan on rewarding myself! I NEVER reward myself, I wont even buy myself the right kind of shampoo half the time because I hate wasting money on me. But self help is a great thing and something to look forward to. My rewards will always non food items and always something personal.
I will also make a meal plan each saturday night, buy the groceries sunday and stick with it through the week. I will be making Brian do this with me and he will lose more weight than me and I will get jealous but that will not make me quit like it would have in the past. I will be able to fit into my clothes again. I will want to dress up and put on makeup and fix myhair again. I will feel like a human being again. And I WILL learn to love myself FINALLY!
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