reminder
Do you ever get frustrated because things are moving too slowly in your life? Many people don't realize that building a foundation for success does not happen overnight. It is a slow process in which you are constantly working and learning. After all, that foundation must remain strong, even in times of failure or crisis. This takes time! You may have to remind yourself that "failing" is only failure if you quit; otherwise it's a learning opportunity. So don't worry if your life seems to be moving in slow motion. Concentrate on building a solid foundation and learning from your back steps
My Plan
So I've been going at this weight loss/ healthy lifestyle/ exercise/ love myself shit for years now. Seriously, when will I just get it? I am a quitter and loser. The fact that it's a couple of years later and I'm here starting over is proof positive. I've got a million and half excuses as to why I gained the weight back but not a single one of them matters. I need to do this. I need to push myself and get over the quitter mentality. I've learned that I'm a miserable person when I'm unhealthy. If anything came out of previous success it's that knowledge. Being healthy makes me happy. Simple as that. I have to do this. MY life depends on it.
I am setting a goal for myself of 5% of my body weight at a time. Since I weigh 210 pounds right now, that means 10.5 pounds is 5% of my body weight, I think....math and I have never gotten along very well. I'll try something a little different this time and figure out what 5% of each new weight is too...maybe that will keep me more motivated.
Anyway, as I meet my goals, I plan on rewarding myself! I NEVER reward myself, I wont even buy myself the right kind of shampoo half the time because I hate wasting money on me. But self help is a great thing and something to look forward to. My rewards will always non food items and always something personal.
I will also make a meal plan each saturday night, buy the groceries sunday and stick with it through the week. I will be making Brian do this with me and he will lose more weight than me and I will get jealous but that will not make me quit like it would have in the past. I will be able to fit into my clothes again. I will want to dress up and put on makeup and fix myhair again. I will feel like a human being again. And I WILL learn to love myself FINALLY!
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Long time no post
I sometimes forget about this blog because a healthy eating/healthy living lifestyle is just that...a lifestyle. I don't find myself obsessing over little things anymore like I used to. Now, choosing an apple over a cookie is second nature. Going home to fix dinner, even if it's a quick fix like tonight's (more later) instead of running through the drive thru is a no brainer. I don't feel like I should write about all of my new decisions all the time anymore! However, I do still need to update this from time, maybe for emotional reasons more than anything! Since my restarted commitment to a healthy lifestyle I have definitely lost more weight (from 180 down to 172!) and have noticed many other changes as well. Overall, I am happy. I am ore calm. I am content. I still struggle with a lot of things...living on my own with maddie, being her sole provider (basically) it's tough. Money is streeeeeetched super tight and there are days that I have to just watch maddie eat while I attempt to make myself feel full on a few bites of beans and several gallons of water! I feel like I am doing right though. She is happy...she is FAR from starved :) and we are both adjusted. Life is getting easier, less hectic. We have our routine and it works for us. Throwing in the healthy stuff comes naturally. I spend time every night mapping out my meals for the next day...if I have time I will plan for the week when she is at her daddy's and that really helps. I wont lie there have been times I have cried uncontrollably...never in front of her, just when she's gone. Afraid that I am messing up but then I see her and know that we are good. I am letting this post ramble and it's not really on any topic. Sorry! Anyway, long story short...life alone with Maddie is good :) And I have great people in my life...very generous friends at work! Some people are such good hearted giving people and I have always been blessed to have them in my life! Ok...back on healthy eating/living. I have been going to yoga at the gym I joined every tuesday and thursday night and have decided that yoga runs in my family's blood. My sister is great at it and I am just going to go ahead and say I am too! Tonight my instructor was amazed at how flexible I am, and how strong and balanced and all of those other things that make people great at yoga I am! Sorry, we all need to brag on our strengths from time to time! It makes me feel so good to be able to something so well! She asked if I used to be a dancer! hahaha! Me the fat girl! ha! I guess I need to stop thinking of myself as a fat girl though. I mean I still FAR from skinny and I don't think I will ever e what anyone considers skinny. But I am not obese anymore. I'm down from a size 18/20 to a solid 10 bordering on an 8. I guess that is normal. I still feel fat. I still look at myself and see fat. I don't know if this can change. I've NEVER been skinny. The least I even remember weighing was about 160 and I was in the 8th grade I was a size 10 then as well but didn't have the remnants of living creature growing in my belly! So now seeing the scale say I weigh 172, and seeing my size 12 jeans falling....I don't know what to think. It's just a fluke I'm sure. There's no way I can be average! I have to get it through my head somehow that people aren't starting at me cause I am huge anymore. I always feel like when I eat everyone is judging me cause fat girls aren't supposed to eat, but I guess that is my paranoia shining through. Wow. I should stop typing now this is getting so unorganized! So I will write about what I had for dinner and call it a night! Tonight I made quick fried rice! I made a big pot of rice on sunday and use about 1/2 cup a day or so and season it up in different ways. Yesterday I added some ground ginger and curry powder and served it with tilapia seasoned the same way. Very tasty! tonight I cup up 2 oz of chicken breast tenders and pan fried that then threw in some frozen peas and carrots and let it cook through, then I added a cup of rice, seasoned it with soy sauce and when it was all good and fried and hot I threw in an egg and scrambled it! It tasted just like something you'd get from a chinese restaurant! And I think it came to 8 points for the whole very filling meal! I've gotten bad about not eating all of my points. I am allowed 28 I usually stick to around 25. Not always from choice...again the whole money being tight thing...anyway, that's it for now! Maybe next time I write I will think about what I feel like saying first! Oh...I am 2 pounds away from a haircut! It can't come soon enough!! This mop is S heavy! I think if I cut it I may lose the 2 pounds and then some...
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