I keep waiting for something to snap back in place. It's not happening. Something is not right! I want to think it's just the exhaustion I have felt lately and it's keeping me from working out and eating right but I know it's the stupid not working out and bad eating that is causing the exhaustion! I know this yet can't bring myself to do a dang thing about it. I just feel like everything is so out of place lately and no matter what I try nothing puts it back together. I sit down to blog nearly every night then nothing comes out so I am hoping maybe if I can just get back into this and get the words flowing then maybe the inspiration to lose weight...well to get healthy really...will come. Waiting.....waiting.....nope, nothing. Crap. I did make a meal plan this week, so maybe that will help. I didn't stick with it though. Day one and I messed up. I am having to work in a different office in a different city this week and I told myself I would bring my lunch so I wouldn't be tempted to eat out. Well I did, but I am having to carpool to the office with friends and one didn't bring her lunch. I didn't even consider just taking her to get something or letting her use my car. I just immediately decided screw my lunch I'm eating out. When I was actually motivated and serious I wouldn't have done that. Now I feel sick. That's another thing. I have been sick a lot lately. Linda scary sick. Lots of nose bleeds and bloody mucous and sharp stabbing pains in my stomach and one migraine after another, always queasy feeling and ALWAYS exhausted! I just can't move half the time. I lay there on my floor and poor Maddie has actually came over and laid down next to me rubbing my head and telling me it will be ok. So maybe I am sick. Who knows. I think it's exhaustion and if I can get my butt back in gear things will be fine. I'm just an emotional wreck! Blah! Anyway, enough of that! I looked over my new years resolutions and so far the only one I am coming even close to sticking to, is learning astrology! I guess if I had to pick on it would be the most fun one to stick too! I have a great book to study...thanks if you are reading this ;), and am at least enjoying that! The whole paying off my debt thing...yeah NOT happening! And the weight loss stuff, well again, not happening. I've about decided I need to just drop everything and run away for a weekend. Just get out and veg in a quiet hotel room somewhere. I need to clear my head and get things right! Lots to think about lately. I think that's the main problem (I seem to think lots of things are the main problem) anyway, I really believe part of the problem is that I can't concentrate on the weight loss issues with so much other crap! I started a nw job, have friends with issues I am trying to help them with, Maddie is going through a very long and bad terrible 2 spell at the moment and I am dealing with being sick and tired and not having any money! Blah! And I miss my dogs. :( I want my coop and layla belle back. I think about then every day :(
Ok this didn't work, I still don't feel motivated and now I've just sat here and rambled and accomplished nothing
reminder
Do you ever get frustrated because things are moving too slowly in your life? Many people don't realize that building a foundation for success does not happen overnight. It is a slow process in which you are constantly working and learning. After all, that foundation must remain strong, even in times of failure or crisis. This takes time! You may have to remind yourself that "failing" is only failure if you quit; otherwise it's a learning opportunity. So don't worry if your life seems to be moving in slow motion. Concentrate on building a solid foundation and learning from your back steps
My Plan
So I've been going at this weight loss/ healthy lifestyle/ exercise/ love myself shit for years now. Seriously, when will I just get it? I am a quitter and loser. The fact that it's a couple of years later and I'm here starting over is proof positive. I've got a million and half excuses as to why I gained the weight back but not a single one of them matters. I need to do this. I need to push myself and get over the quitter mentality. I've learned that I'm a miserable person when I'm unhealthy. If anything came out of previous success it's that knowledge. Being healthy makes me happy. Simple as that. I have to do this. MY life depends on it.
I am setting a goal for myself of 5% of my body weight at a time. Since I weigh 210 pounds right now, that means 10.5 pounds is 5% of my body weight, I think....math and I have never gotten along very well. I'll try something a little different this time and figure out what 5% of each new weight is too...maybe that will keep me more motivated.
Anyway, as I meet my goals, I plan on rewarding myself! I NEVER reward myself, I wont even buy myself the right kind of shampoo half the time because I hate wasting money on me. But self help is a great thing and something to look forward to. My rewards will always non food items and always something personal.
I will also make a meal plan each saturday night, buy the groceries sunday and stick with it through the week. I will be making Brian do this with me and he will lose more weight than me and I will get jealous but that will not make me quit like it would have in the past. I will be able to fit into my clothes again. I will want to dress up and put on makeup and fix myhair again. I will feel like a human being again. And I WILL learn to love myself FINALLY!
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