I binged BAD tonight. I just couldn't seem to get full, and it wasn't just hunger, it was something else. I hate it when that happens. No amount of telling myself that I wasn't hungry would stop me from eating. I guess we all have those days. My binge consisted of a weight watchers mint ice cream cone, a cheese cracker, 2 bites of maddie's cheese/corn tortilla roll up, a bite of an almond chocolate candy bar, and finally a banana dipped in melted chocolate and rolled in coconut flakes. Oh and a few peanuts. Man. Writing it out makes me realize how much food that really was. If I had just eaten something salty when I got the craving I enver would have binged and eaten to much. Lesson learned. Damn period. I always crave chocolate and salty cheesy snacks the first day of my period. At least I know it will pass! This is the first time since I started a month ago that I lost control though, so that is something to be proud of. Looks like someone will be working extra hard at the gym tomorrow! Yippee.
Oh, my stomach hurts really bad now and I feel like I could throw up at any second...I kinda forgot how crappy it feels to stuff yourself this much. I think I'd rather be hungry that uncomfortably full.
reminder
Do you ever get frustrated because things are moving too slowly in your life? Many people don't realize that building a foundation for success does not happen overnight. It is a slow process in which you are constantly working and learning. After all, that foundation must remain strong, even in times of failure or crisis. This takes time! You may have to remind yourself that "failing" is only failure if you quit; otherwise it's a learning opportunity. So don't worry if your life seems to be moving in slow motion. Concentrate on building a solid foundation and learning from your back steps
My Plan
So I've been going at this weight loss/ healthy lifestyle/ exercise/ love myself shit for years now. Seriously, when will I just get it? I am a quitter and loser. The fact that it's a couple of years later and I'm here starting over is proof positive. I've got a million and half excuses as to why I gained the weight back but not a single one of them matters. I need to do this. I need to push myself and get over the quitter mentality. I've learned that I'm a miserable person when I'm unhealthy. If anything came out of previous success it's that knowledge. Being healthy makes me happy. Simple as that. I have to do this. MY life depends on it.
I am setting a goal for myself of 5% of my body weight at a time. Since I weigh 210 pounds right now, that means 10.5 pounds is 5% of my body weight, I think....math and I have never gotten along very well. I'll try something a little different this time and figure out what 5% of each new weight is too...maybe that will keep me more motivated.
Anyway, as I meet my goals, I plan on rewarding myself! I NEVER reward myself, I wont even buy myself the right kind of shampoo half the time because I hate wasting money on me. But self help is a great thing and something to look forward to. My rewards will always non food items and always something personal.
I will also make a meal plan each saturday night, buy the groceries sunday and stick with it through the week. I will be making Brian do this with me and he will lose more weight than me and I will get jealous but that will not make me quit like it would have in the past. I will be able to fit into my clothes again. I will want to dress up and put on makeup and fix myhair again. I will feel like a human being again. And I WILL learn to love myself FINALLY!
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
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