It's hard to get excited about this anymore

I stepped on the scale this morning and much to my shock and great pleasure the number on the scale MUCH lower than expected considering the bott....errr....glass of wine that I consumed last night. 174.2!!! I am aware that that is still fat and I have a loooong way to go until I am considered a normal weight but in my book that is AWESOME! As I have mentioned before my body loves being 180 pounds.  I can practically do nothing at all and I will stay pretty close to 180.  When I have managed to make it to 175 or below in the past....well that's where I stayed. It never gets below it. EVER. And if it it does it's for about a day till it goes back up. So while I am super excited that I made it below 175 (which in the last probably 10 year has only happened a handful of times) I am also cautious of becoming too happy because I know from experience it doesn't last.  This seems to be the lowest my body will allow me to get. So I have to figure out something to trick this fat piece of crap into lowering more.  Since I was quite happy I made a really good tasty breakfast- one egg sunny side up sprinkled with some salt pepper and dill, on top of a mini whole grain bagel with 1/2 ounce of goat cheese.  I also made an old favorite that I haven't had since my earlier weight watcher days....a green monster smoothie. So good!  One cup of milk, one banana, a handful of frozen strawberries (just strawberries, no added sugar) and 2 big handfuls of baby spinach.  It's so good I forogt how much I enjoyed them! I guess they are added back to my staple list.
Today's plan are to go out and buy a new outfit to celebrate this rare occasion.  Not really on my reward list but I've been down on myself lately and yes retail therapy does help. After that I planned on running some, doing some weights, tanning (I know it's bad) then goin to church to cuddle with my babies.  I'm really trying to contain my excited over the number on the scale and stay level headed here... I'm waiting on 170 so I can get this big curly MOP cut off of my head and look human!!!

I ran with no pain!!

Yay!!!  I joined the gym a week ago....with every intention of actually going this week. Well it didn't happen. Excuses excuses excuses....such as cold, tired, hungry...blah blah blah.  Mostly I was still afraid of the pain.  I got over the fear of joining but still had the fear of re-injuring myself so I didn't go.  Well I went today. I almost didn't because I can't find my ipod and that is how I kept up with the whole c25k thing but then I realized that was just another stupid excuse and if I didn't get my head right this was never going to happen. So I went to thy dang gym! I was the ONLY person there!! I love it!  I walked on the treadmill for about 10 minutes a pretty brisk pace just to warm up then just went for it...and I RAN!  Woohoo!!  I ran about 7 minutes without stopping...which for me is great!  All together I ran/walked 30 minutes and went about 3 miles. Again I know this isn't much for most people but I was proud of myself!  And you know what...not a bit of pain in my knees!  Thank GOD!  Tomorrow I'm hoping to get maddie and myself ready by 10 am to make it to Zumba.  One step at a time here!  I'll get back into a normal workout routine soon enough!

Day off!

I have the day off today (Thanks Veteran's!) and realized I haven't posted in about a few days!  So thoughtI would change that...It's still early in the day but so far as far as my eatin' goes I'm doin great!  Breakfast was wonderful! I warmed a corn tortilla in a pan with some cooking spray to make it good and crispy then spread a wedge of the laughing cow light creamy swiss on that, topped it with some smooshed up black beans that I seasoned with a bit of ground cumin, put some salsa on top of that and topped it off with a fried egg.  I guess it was just huevos rancheros but it was SO good!  And only 5 points!  I left my yolk good and runny so everything mixed together nicely and it was quite tasty! I took a picture and I guess I will post it but I am becoming very embarrassed with the quality (or lack of) my pictures.  I am just going to have to purchase a decent camera on black friday I think...and keep it away from my mom and her drinks. Anyway, the plan for the rest of the day off is to clean, eat healthy and hit the gym. If I can motivate my butt to get up off the couch!

Knees don't fail me now please!

I'm starting the C25K program again today and I am terrified!  I know I am 50 pounds less than I was when I started the first time but the pain I got when my knees popped and I fell on that dang treadmill is still so fresh and clear in my mind and I am SO hesitant to get in there and go again.  I couldn't walk for practically a week after that....I didn't have a job though and so it wasn't that big of a deal to sit around the house with ice on my knees.  Now I do. yikes.  I'm SO SCARED!!!!!  I'm going to do it though, I will just have to start even slower that before I guess.  I only made it to week 4 last time before my dang injury knocked me out of the game.  That's not very far.  I hope I can do this.  I have 100% confidence in my ability to follow a healthy eating lifestyle, it's the active part that gets me every time.  I start off so good then something happens and I slowly fall off track, which eventually leads to falling off track with eating as well.  I am just praying that this time it's different.  I loved going to they gym everyday before i hurt myself, maybe that habit will come back fast this time. Anyway, here is my workout schedule, of course the timing depends on little Miss Maddie's mood....but she may just find her angry butt in the kids room whether she likes it or not.
Monday: c25k 30 minutes weight machines 20 minutes (6:00)
Tuesday: Yoga at 6:30
Wednesday: C25K 30 minutes weights 10 minutes (go after work since I have church on wednesday at 6:30)
Thursday: Yoga at 6:30
Friday C25K and Weights
Saturday: Zumba at 10:00
Sunday rest

Chances are Wednesday will end up being a no workout day because to make it work I will ahve to go straight to the gym from work then after working out get maddie then get her home and make dinner before 6:30. It's doable for sure, but there will be days it wont happen!

Oh, last night I have a really bad binge.  I got home from church and ate 2 mini pizzas (the really small ones not that personal size) so it was half a serving, then I ate en entire bag of cinnamon apple chips. They were SO good!  If I only had a few as a snack then it wouldn't have been so bad but I ate more than a few.  I also proceeded to eat some grilled veggies, baked chicken and corn tortillas.  What the hell?  Anyway I know why I did it, I was not good an spacing my points yesterday. I had a big breakfast, a tiny lunch and a normal size but super early dinner.  I had to be at church by 4:30 and knew I wouldn't be home till 8:00 That wont happen again.  I'll just have to figure out something I can take and eat at church.  I went way over my points yesterday...like 40 points over due to my binge.  I have been good about controlling those lately I guess last night was bound to happen at some point.  My body was craving something and when I couldn't figure out what it was i just kept eating.  I think I was craving meat. I never eat it anymore, some chicken or fish occasionally but rarely.  I can't afford anything else! I need to figure out how to get more protein....eggs I guess? Well that's it. I need to get my butt ready for work and I hear Maddie stirring! Good day!

It's all coming back!

I guess one week of completely healthy eating (well almost a week...5 days) helped me get back into the habit and find the courage I needed to join that pesky gym!  Yay!  I joined Northwest Athletic Club.  It's old. It stinks. It's full of muscle-y men who just want to look at themselves and hog the equipment.  BUT..it's a gym!  It has what I need, it has classes, it has a treadmill, it has weights.  IT HAS FREE CHILDCARE.  Can you see what I truly excited about? That's really what made my decision.  World gym is about the same price but doesn't have child care for kids maddie's age!  Poor Maddie!  So I went with the good old ghetto gym. There is a pool so that will be nice at least.  Anyway, I'm exited about it and am currently in the process of making my workout schedule.  I will make one, but I am sure it will change as I see what works best for Maddie and myself.  I'm not sure if I should go straight there after I pick her up or try to go home and get her fed first.  It's really up to maddie.  I paid the membership, I'm going! They have yoga classes on tuesday and thursday nights at 6:30 so I am pretty sure I will end up taking maddie home to get her fed and then go, I feel horrible just taking her straight from daycare to childcare...poor girl!  They also offer Zumba! I have never done a real Zumba class, I did one for a while at WOW that I loved but it was just partly zumba-like with other stuff mixed in. So I am excited about that one, it's also offered at a time that would allow me to take maddie home first and spend some time with her before I dump her off on someone else.  It's sad, but I guess in the long run it will be worth it.  She will get in the habit of going to the gym from an early age and when she is old enough to join me she can and then she hopefully wont get to the point that I continuously find myself at.  MAybe she can start healthy and stay healthy. I already have pretty good eating habits established with her.  She mostly wants fruit.  She loves pasta and chicken and veggies.  She's not much of a water drinker. I try, but she wants juice, so I water her juice down quite a bit. She takes her vitamin every day (it HAS to be the purple one...I'm not sure what I will do with the pink and orange ones when all the purple are gone) She is a kid though, and of course loves the usual, chicken nuggets, hot dogs, etc....she doesn't like chocolate much and never asks for sweet stuff. I'm so proud of my little dumpling!  I know it's a totally different story when she stays with her dad, but I can't do anything about it and it's not worth stressing myself out over.  She is also active. She likes to go outside and watch the ducks, or run around kicking a ball.  She doesn't sit still to watch tv for very long and when she is watching it she is usually running circles around my couch!  That was a lot to say just to say that Maddie seems to be catching on to our healthy lifestyle. I love her so much!  She is the best little girl anyone could ever ask for and absolutely the reason I am making myself healthy.

Yummy New Recipe!

I get emails with easy healthy recipes and usually I read them, think oh that looks good, then delete it!  Anyway, I got one for poached eggs and pasta, read it and since I had all the ingredients (and it involved goat cheese) I gave it a try! SO good!  Here it is!
2 oz whole grain penne pasta
1/2 cup marinara sauce
1 egg
1 oz goat cheese
brocolli/spinach/zuchini....whatever veggies you have on hand, I had brocolli

Boil the pasta (duh)
while pasta is boiling put sauce in small saucepan and bring to a simmer, crack the egg in and cover and cook till the egg is as done as you want ( I let the whites cook and that's about it, love runny yolk) when everything is done throw it all together and eat!  I put one cup of  steamed broccoli in a bowl, crumbled the goat cheese in it, added the hot pasta then poured the sauce on top.  When I broke into the egg and the yolk oozed out and mixed with the cheese it made the BEST SAUCE ever!  This is for sure a new staple item!

Here's a picture...I REALLY need a camera.

Goat Cheese

Is it weird to devote an entire post to a single food?  When it's goat cheese...nope!  I love this stuff!  It's so rich and creamy and tangy and just down right tasty!  One of my splurges last month, when I had money, was a little tube of goat cheese.  I didn't know what to do with it, I just knew I liked it!  Well now I know...you eat the stuff with pan fried (in cooking spray) polenta and a dab of pesto sauce!  I am not sure, but I may venture to say that this may be the best tasting thing I have ever made! And it is so simple!  The polenta and the pesto were also splurges last month. Seems last months recklessness may not turn out to be so bad after all.  One serving of polenta with an ounce of goat cheese and tablespoon of pesto only set me back 6 points!  It was so good too! And filling!  I took a picture, but it doesn't do it justice.  The creamy cheese mixed with the grainy but creamy polenta with the oily pesto....it sounds so gross really, but it was PERFECT!  I wish I was more poetic and could describe it better! haha! Anyway, wish I could take credit for this creation, but I googled it (after I had already decided to try the stuff together ) and discovered it's a commom combo....I had never heard of it before! So I am going to take credit for it anyway! Yum! I rock!  Ok there's my entry on an appetizer. Sorry, I'm done now!!

A New Month and some New Motivation!

Since my birthday (a week ago) I've been bad!  It's always so hard this time of year....my birthday starts it all off...usually cheesecake is involved.  Then a week later it's Halloween.  Of course I have to eat all the peanut butter candy for Maddie's sake, we don't want another ER visit in our history.  So then of course comes november which of course is Thanksgiving, and since the eating will be so indulgent on that day why not make the whole month bad...we can start over in December. Of course we all know what happens in December...and I also think it's the month in which more people are feeling generous with their baking skills than any other month and there is bound to be some type of treat at the office nearly ever day holiday parties, etc...good lord!  Anyway before you know it, it's Jan 1 an dyou are 20 pounds heavier and having to start all over and join a gym with the masses and then of course if you know about my phobia of gyms you know that there is no way in hell I am joining when EVERYONE does...I need some provacy! Blah!  So I just decided this year to change it. That simple.  I indulged last week, not it's over. Until Thanksgiving.  Then it's over again, until Christmas.  No in between indulgences not this year.  It's those little treats and nibbles and splurges that will keep me in this god awful body if I don't just quit.  I know how to do it. I know I have the willpower. I just have to tap into it.  I took some pictures of myself, and they were TOTALLY unflattering and NASTY. I do not have the courage to put them on here yet, but they definitely made it clear to me what needs to the most work. Namely my non existent backside and my flabby white arms.  SO GROSS. Anyway,  I made my meal plan for the week and will post it somewhere..more for my benefit than anything, but this is kinda fun to write about it all.  I am trying to just use the food that I have in the house from the splurges last month and not buy anything else for the first couple of weeks of november, other than fresh fruit and veggies.  This month is tight budget wise and I am afraid that I may not be able to handle it I spend even $20 on groceries!  I know it will get easier the longer I stay here by myself and the more I get used to budgeting my money but right now it sucks!  I have however completely cut fast food out of my diet!  Not only does it make you fatter it makes you feel bloated and lethargic AND it costs way too much money.  Even the $menu isn't worth it when you can go home and eat a meal that costs closer to  35 cents.  So I am trying to be smart about this whole situation.  In addition to a health makeover I'm working on my money makeover.  I want to be able to save more and I have some specific goals in mind, but I'm still working on the plan before I start getting into details.  This is kinda fun, reinventing myself and whatnot. Who knows, maybe I can be someone worth loving again one day