I have 20 days to get presentable!! Yikes! Damn it why did I put this off for so long?! Grrr!!! I guess I don't HAVE to run to the pool the second it opens. I could keep working on things till they are right then go....but in that case I would never make it! I know there is probably no way I will ever be happy with my body. That makes me sad really. I have just never been happy with it and I think in order to ever fully accept yourself you have to have at least liked yourself at some point in your life. Now maybe I am totally wrong and when I get to where I want to be I will love what I see, doubt it, but I will see.
Yesterday was good at least. Here's what I ate/my workout
Breakfast: english muffin, egg, canadian bacon, swiss cheese (7pts)
Snack: Banana (0 pts)
Lunch: brown rice with sauteed shrimp, green beans and mandarin oranges (7 pts)
Snack: 12 almonds (2 pts)
Dinner: Brown rice with bell peppers, mushrooms, black beans and a fried egg (8 pts)
Snack: Cottage cheese and mandarin orange slices (2 pts)
Week 2 day 1 of C25K
So far today is starting off well. I actually got out of bed after only one smack of the snooze button which is unusual for me lately. I had time to take a shower, eat breakfast, drink coffee and sit here and type up this long boring blog post! I used to love getting up early enough to actually have a relaxing morning but here lately I just can't seem to drag myself out of bed and I end up having to rush myself and Maddie. I'm still planning on letting her sleep as late as possible though! I am happy that I once again proved myself right though, once I got back to healthier eating and working out my energy levels are up and I am feeling much better. This weekend was a different story, but what the heck! It was a weekend and I wasn't home so I just enjoyed myself! I wont go into to all the gory details but I will say there were biscuits and gravy and s'mores involved. :) It was worth it!
I do have a little confession- and maybe I mentioned this is an older post but I don't remember. I have an appointment tomorrow with a doctor for some kind of weight loss/energy check treatment thingy. I got it on living social and bought it and after some research think it may be good for me considering my recent energy drop! I'm pretty excited about it! They do a weight loss plan of sorts and run tests to see if everything is ok and you get 4 visits to follow up on everything. No pills or anything like that so it's safe. My appointment is at 5:00 tomorrow and I can't eat a thing past 5:00 tonight though! So tomorrow may be pretty scary! I don't do hungry very well!!!
reminder
Do you ever get frustrated because things are moving too slowly in your life? Many people don't realize that building a foundation for success does not happen overnight. It is a slow process in which you are constantly working and learning. After all, that foundation must remain strong, even in times of failure or crisis. This takes time! You may have to remind yourself that "failing" is only failure if you quit; otherwise it's a learning opportunity. So don't worry if your life seems to be moving in slow motion. Concentrate on building a solid foundation and learning from your back steps
My Plan
So I've been going at this weight loss/ healthy lifestyle/ exercise/ love myself shit for years now. Seriously, when will I just get it? I am a quitter and loser. The fact that it's a couple of years later and I'm here starting over is proof positive. I've got a million and half excuses as to why I gained the weight back but not a single one of them matters. I need to do this. I need to push myself and get over the quitter mentality. I've learned that I'm a miserable person when I'm unhealthy. If anything came out of previous success it's that knowledge. Being healthy makes me happy. Simple as that. I have to do this. MY life depends on it.
I am setting a goal for myself of 5% of my body weight at a time. Since I weigh 210 pounds right now, that means 10.5 pounds is 5% of my body weight, I think....math and I have never gotten along very well. I'll try something a little different this time and figure out what 5% of each new weight is too...maybe that will keep me more motivated.
Anyway, as I meet my goals, I plan on rewarding myself! I NEVER reward myself, I wont even buy myself the right kind of shampoo half the time because I hate wasting money on me. But self help is a great thing and something to look forward to. My rewards will always non food items and always something personal.
I will also make a meal plan each saturday night, buy the groceries sunday and stick with it through the week. I will be making Brian do this with me and he will lose more weight than me and I will get jealous but that will not make me quit like it would have in the past. I will be able to fit into my clothes again. I will want to dress up and put on makeup and fix myhair again. I will feel like a human being again. And I WILL learn to love myself FINALLY!
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I will never understand why you feel like you need to change or improve yourself and your body so much. You are one of the most wonderful people I have ever met and as far as your appearance... second to none! You are so beautiful and have an amazing figure. Wish you could see what we all see.
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