Saturday I had a breakdown. I began to cry uncontrollably, and I did something I have never done before. I dropped to my knees and prayed. Not that I haven't prayed before, I do daily, but never have I ever felt compelled to drop to my knees and beg God. I wont say what caused this, just that it was a combination of stress over a job interview and a very eye opening conversation with someone who I once loved. Seems since then things are looking up. No real changes. No job yet, I haven't miraculously lost 100 pounds nor have I resolved the problems with my "significant other" but you know what has changed? Me. Weird. Suddenly I am looking at things in a new light. I became this happy person that was totally unknown to me before. I know it's only been a few days but this is huge for me. Maybe miss Drama Queen is gone?
Oh...forgot this was a weight loss blog! Figures, I'm so easily distracted! Anyway, today for breakfast I attempted to choke down the worst combination of food imaginable. Fiber one cereal (orginal) with frozen raspberries. I ate maybe 2 bites and was so sick that I didn't even bother trying anything else. Hmm...maybe that's a good thing? Perhaps this would make a wonderful appetizer? Lunch was much better! We had some roasted pork loin leftover from a few days ago, I chopped it up and mixed it with some carrots and a hot and sour soup mix..for 8 points. It was amazing! It's raining now, and maddie is in bed, I think I am going to go outside and watch the rain and try to decide what to make for dinner!
reminder
Do you ever get frustrated because things are moving too slowly in your life? Many people don't realize that building a foundation for success does not happen overnight. It is a slow process in which you are constantly working and learning. After all, that foundation must remain strong, even in times of failure or crisis. This takes time! You may have to remind yourself that "failing" is only failure if you quit; otherwise it's a learning opportunity. So don't worry if your life seems to be moving in slow motion. Concentrate on building a solid foundation and learning from your back steps
My Plan
So I've been going at this weight loss/ healthy lifestyle/ exercise/ love myself shit for years now. Seriously, when will I just get it? I am a quitter and loser. The fact that it's a couple of years later and I'm here starting over is proof positive. I've got a million and half excuses as to why I gained the weight back but not a single one of them matters. I need to do this. I need to push myself and get over the quitter mentality. I've learned that I'm a miserable person when I'm unhealthy. If anything came out of previous success it's that knowledge. Being healthy makes me happy. Simple as that. I have to do this. MY life depends on it.
I am setting a goal for myself of 5% of my body weight at a time. Since I weigh 210 pounds right now, that means 10.5 pounds is 5% of my body weight, I think....math and I have never gotten along very well. I'll try something a little different this time and figure out what 5% of each new weight is too...maybe that will keep me more motivated.
Anyway, as I meet my goals, I plan on rewarding myself! I NEVER reward myself, I wont even buy myself the right kind of shampoo half the time because I hate wasting money on me. But self help is a great thing and something to look forward to. My rewards will always non food items and always something personal.
I will also make a meal plan each saturday night, buy the groceries sunday and stick with it through the week. I will be making Brian do this with me and he will lose more weight than me and I will get jealous but that will not make me quit like it would have in the past. I will be able to fit into my clothes again. I will want to dress up and put on makeup and fix myhair again. I will feel like a human being again. And I WILL learn to love myself FINALLY!
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YAY you!! you are the BOMB!!! Keep it up!! Yes this is a weight loss blog however it is also your blog to tell all that you want to tell. Oh have I told you lately you are a fantastic mommy? If not, you are just so you know and everytime Maddie looks as you and smiles or even gives you that look like "are you crazy woman" she is saying she things you are fantastic!!
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